Take Responsibility for Your Actions
So, your kid is giving you problems. She won’t talk to you. She’s defiant. She’s disrespectful. She’s negative all the time. And, you’re certain it has nothing to do with the way you are parenting. Perhaps you believe the problems you are having are due to the kid’s personality, the kid’s friends, society, the media, etc.
Well, guess what? If you want to reduce the problems you’re having with your child, you need to take responsibility for your part in the drama! Relationships are a two-way street. Everything cannot be everyone else’s fault!
Thoughtfully ponder these questions:
•When is the last time you admitted to your child that you were wrong about something?
•When is the last time you apologized?
•When is the last time you actually LISTENED – without judgment – to your child’s point of view?
Do you remember when you were a kid and your parents used certain clichés or “logical comments” against you and you SWORE you would NEVER throw them at your kids? Comments and clichés such as:
•Do as I say, not as I do.
•Because I am the parent and I said so!
•If you want to live in my house you will live by my rules!
•Children are meant to be seen and not heard.
•Eat everything on your plate whether you’re hungry or not. There are starving
children in Africa.
•Don’t argue with me! I’m the parent, and I know best.
•When you turn 18, then you’ll be smart enough to make your own decisions.
Until then, do as I say without question because I know what is best for you.
We were taught to respect authority without question. Just do as we were told. Adults always knew best. And, many of us have now tried to raise our children the same way, using the same clichés (or attitudes). And, it isn’t working very well!
Every generation has thought the younger generation was disrespectful and wild – doomed to fail. Why would you think anything would change when you had kids? Because you weren’t going to repeat your parents’ mistakes, right? But, the reality is when we become parents we parent our children the way we were parented. That’s what we know. And, each generation continues to have problems with relating to and understanding their kids. Some of that is just the natural course of life stuff. But, a lot of it is unnecessary strife!
One definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. You need to break out of that insanity spiral! If you want to improve your relationship with your child, YOU have to change YOUR attitude. You have to set the example. You have to change your parenting style. You have to take responsibility for YOUR actions. Isn’t that what you expect of your child?
The late actor Broderick Crawford once said, “Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.”
It is time to set the example starting today. Reflect upon your past actions. If apologies are necessary, APOLOGIZE! Next time you’re ready to use one of those awful clichés, stop and think about how you felt when your parents said the same thing to you. Set aside the old-fashioned attitude that children are mindless and they need to be bossed around. That belief isn’t beneficial to the child. How will she learn to make decisions if you make all of them for her? It isn’t representative of the Golden Rule either. And, it is not conducive to creating a positive relationship with your child. Positive relationships are best cultivated with mutual love and respect. Today’s a new day! Let your new attitude shine through and just watch how your relationships improve!
Stop judging!
How do you feel when you are trying to talk and someone interrupts you?
How do you feel when you know you're telling the truth and no one will listen to your side of the story?
How do you feel when someone disrespects you because of your gender, race, religion, age, lifestyle, weight, etc.?
How do you feel when you're "profiled" or judged because of your gender, race, religion, hairstyle, weight, age, lifestyle, tattoos, etc.?
How do you feel when you're judged (and potentially "punished") based on hearsay or rumors?
How do you feel when people judge you because of the friends you have chosen?
How do you feel when someone is yelling at you or criticizing you, and even worse, in front of other people?
I would bet my last dollar that the answer to every question was HORRIBLE. You hate it, don't you?! How dare people judge you! How dare they treat you like that!
Just because you don't drive the most expensive car or have a "professional" career doesn't mean you aren't worthy of respect.
Just because you got a tattoo of an eagle on your chest when you were 18 does not mean you are a bad person!
Just because you hang out with a guy who has long hair and a pierced tongue doesn't mean either of you is not responsible. Your friend happens to be highly intelligent and successful! He just doesn't conform to society's version of "normal".
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.
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Welcome to your child's world!
I want you to re-read those questions and ask yourself if you do any of those things to your children.
Don't make excuses for your actions. If you do not appreciate being treated horribly, what makes you think your children are going to positively respond to the same treatment?
It isn't logical. So, stop judging your children. Stop judging, period.
That's step number one towards developing a more positive relationship with your kids - and everyone else.
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For more information about positive thinking and the power of your mind, please visit Positive Thinking For Kids.
Who are YOU scaring?
Many years ago, when I was angry with my kids, I passed a mirror and happened to look in it and was HORRIFIED! Or, should I say TERRIFIED?! I have never forgotten that moment. My poor children! Such a scary mother! I've learned that I am not very cognizant of the "looks" on my face. Those are hard to control! But, not impossible. It starts with the thoughts in our heads.
I think it would be interesting if we could carry a mirror with us all day to look at our reflection when we're feeling different feelings. I bet we'd consciously change those thoughts to positive ones pretty quickly if we could see the result of those thoughts on our faces!
When you pass by someone who is not smiling, are you inclined to smile and say "hello"? Probably not, unless it is in your nature to say "hello" to everyone you pass regardless of your perception of their mood.
So, turn that around. Do you think if you walk around scowling that most people will want to speak to you? If you appear unapproachable, you will be treated as unapproachable. And, then you will feel badly because no one is talking to you. And so you will continue to have that scowl on your face until you take control and think positive thoughts!
Only YOU can change it! The look on your face is DIRECTLY TIED to the thought in your head. See how that works? It merely proves that we attract the energy we put out to the world. If we walk around scowling because we're thinking unhappy thoughts, we're rarely going to attract happy, positive people. We will usually attract other scowlers who want to commiserate with us and complain about their bosses, wives, children, traffic, etc. So, you'll not only be concentrating on your problems but theirs, as well.
So, if you can't carry a mirror with you at all times today, at least start to THINK about the look that might be on your face. And, study the faces of those around you and consider your attitude towards them at that moment. Hopefully, you will realize that what we think and feel on the inside is reflected on the outside and those smiles or frowns directly affect the circumstances of our day. The power of your mind is within your control! Use it!
And, remember to SMILE! We are what we think about!
Positive Energy Leads to Positive Circumstances
Positive energy leads to positive circumstances in your life which gradually results in an overall fabulous, happy life. So, always stay focused on the positive! See the good in every situation – even in what appear to be bad ones – and, eventually something good will come out of it.
Don’t dwell on the negative. Focus on the positive, and that is what you will attract into your life. I guarantee it! It does take practice, but with time you will find that the negative thoughts become less and less and the ones that do pop up you will quickly brush away.
For more information about positive thinking and the power of your mind, please visit Positive Thinking For Kids.
Keep that Positive Energy!
In this universe, like energy attracts like energy. So positive energy attracts positive people, events and circumstances.
So what do you do if you are not feeling so positive? When you feel sad, angry, annoyed, or simply drained? You certainly do not want to stay that way if you want to attract positive things to your life.
Do these to turn that negative energy into positive:
Acknowledge your negative feeling. Yes, acknowledge that you are feeling it. Do not deny or suppress it – simply allow yourself to feel it. By acknowledging it, it will be easier for you to release that feeling. However, do not dwell or wallow in that feeling. Simply recognize it.
Find something to be grateful for. No matter how bad your day went, there must be something that happened that you are thankful for, no matter how small. It might be running into a friend, getting a good lunch, or something else.
Think about someone or something you love. Think about a loved one smiling at you. Think about a happy moment you spent together.
Read a joke or listen to lively music. This is especially effective if you are feeling simply tired or annoyed. A good joke or happy music can quickly shift your energy to positive.
Meditate. Take a break. Close your eyes, sit in a relaxed position, and breathe deeply. Imagine a beam of light shining through the center of your body. Feel that light spreading through and warming your body. You can do variations to this meditation, or do whatever relaxing meditation you are comfortable with.
Talk to positive people. Their positive energy can give you a quick pick-me-up. Positive energy is usually stronger than negative energy so their positive energy will most likely “infect” you!
Follow these tips and feel that positive energy flowing through you! Smile! We are what we think about!
For more information about positive thinking and the power of your mind, please visit Positive Thinking For Kids.
Common Traits of Happy Families
- Priorities – Each family member treats their family as their first priority. Not only the parents, albeit they carry the bulk of responsibility, but also the children. The integrity of the family must be solid in the sense that all members should think first and foremost about what will happen to their family in any action they do. Parents work hard and plan for their kids’ future, but take time out to bond with them and take an active part in their lives. Or, they spend quality time just talking about what’s happening in the world. The children also make it a point to keep their parents informed of their school or other activities. They gladly spend quality time with their parents and siblings and value that time more than hanging out with their friends. If anything major happens to them, they’ll always go to their parents first.
- Responsibility – Everyone in the family strives to be responsible – from the preschooler picking up his toys to the parents who work to provide the basic necessities. Loyalty to one’s partner is the norm and infidelity is not even in the vocabulary. What’s more, everyone does his/her responsibility not only because of duty, but because of love. It’s a sacrifice, but one given selflessly.
- Encouragement – Praises for good work, help in rough times, a listening ear and a good shoulder are common to these families too. No wonder they can get through any challenges they face!
- Stability – One of the best ways they achieve stability is to have certain traditions they can count on. It could be a yearly holiday to an old hometown or eating together every Christmas Eve or raking leaves every mid-autumn. Whatever it is, the important thing is to be together. These traditions evolve through the years, and it becomes a routine; it gives a sense of continuity and an ongoing history. These moments of sharing will form a foundation of the family’s views and will surely be passed on to future generations.
Lee Iacocca, an eminent businessman and writer, once said: “The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.”
Stop stressing!
Updated website
Well, I've been working like a crazy woman updating my website, ignoring family, hygiene, and sleep. (I've been blaming the odor on the couch which now has a very prominent imprint of my rear.) Anyway, I'm done with the website...for the night...except for this blog entry.
While researching positive thinking the past week, I've discovered many new ideas. And, some concepts are more clear in my head...which is a scarier than usual place to be right now! I have so many passwords and numbers in my head, I can barely remember my own birth date, let alone what time I am supposed pick up my son from lacrosse. Oops. I'll be right back. Just kidding.
I have also discovered that my task of passing along info about positive thinking for TEENS is a much larger challenge than I originally anticipated. I have been informed by my own teenagers that they are totally not interested in positive thinking or anything that has to do with thinking, for that matter, unless it involves their ipod, computer or cell phone.
So, it would seem that the age group of my 5 kids, approximately 11-18, is apparently lost...doomed to live in negativity, if that is their current state (uh-huh), until they become adults and realize how miserable they've become, and then it will be all my fault, of course. Could this possibly be true??? Have I destined them all to years of psychotherapy... and second jobs so they can afford to pay for it?
I refuse to believe it!!! There has to be something I can do to reach this age group to show them that positive thinking is a MUST. I guess it is too late to put love notes in their lunch boxes. Do kids even CARRY lunch boxes anymore? Let's see......mass hypnosis? Subliminal messages in their alphabet soup? Oh wait. They don't eat soup anymore. Hmmmm....I could put an ad on television. They'd be sure to see THAT! What else....???
(Picture me tapping my foot...twirling my hair...looking up to the right with an empty idea box above my head. Yes, that's it.)
A-n-n-d, I'm stumped. I did get my 2 boys to agree to gather some friends for a focus group. Perhaps actually talking to some hormone-driven, neurotic teenagers will help me figure out how to teach them that controlling their impulses will make their lives a little less crazy. Hey! You can stop laughing at me now. I must be nuts to think I can help change the world one kid at a time!!! Right? Donations for MY psychotherapy bills are greatly appreciated.
All joking aside, I KNOW that I'll come up with the solution. It is RIGHT there! See it? I can...it is just a little out of focus yet.
And, FOCUS is the name of the game, people. We need to FOCUS our attention on the POSITIVE thoughts...the BLESSINGS in our lives...our DREAMS...our GOALS. SUSTAINED FOCUS ON ANY TASK OR THOUGHT OR GOAL IS UNSTOPPABLE! So, make sure YOU are focusing on the POSITIVE.
Remember, we are what we think about!
Chanin
P.S.
Here is a pretty picture for you...this was in Yellowstone last year.
I'm back!
Setting an Example
For the next week, try an experiment I tried earlier in the summer. Concentrate on looking for something in your environment like butterflies or red cars or women wearing blue shirts...whatever it is that you can think of. If you set the intention each morning to look for this particular thing, you will be AMAZED at how often you will starting seeing it. This experiment will PROVE that we "create" what we pay attention to. Consider this idea and how it plays out in your relationships with your significant other, co-workers, and children.
Have a fun day!
