So, your kid is giving you problems.  She won’t talk to you.  She’s defiant.  She’s disrespectful.  She’s negative all the time.  And, you’re certain it has nothing to do with the way you are parenting.  Perhaps you believe the problems you are having are due to the kid’s personality, the kid’s friends, society, the media, etc. 

Well, guess what?  If you want to reduce the problems you’re having with your child, you need to take responsibility for your part in the drama!  Relationships are a two-way street.  Everything cannot be everyone else’s fault!

Thoughtfully ponder these questions:

•When is the last time you admitted to your child that you were wrong about something?
•When is the last time you apologized?
•When is the last time you actually LISTENED – without judgment – to your child’s point of view?

Do you remember when you were a kid and your parents used certain clichés or “logical comments” against you and you SWORE you would NEVER throw them at your kids?   Comments and clichés such as:

•Do as I say, not as I do.
•Because I am the parent and I said so!
•If you want to live in my house you will live by my rules!
•Children are meant to be seen and not heard.
•Eat everything on your plate whether you’re hungry or not.  There are starving
  children in Africa.
•Don’t argue with me!  I’m the parent, and I know best.
•When you turn 18, then you’ll be smart enough to make your own decisions.     
  Until then, do as I say without question because I know what is best for you.

We were taught to respect authority without question.  Just do as we were told.  Adults always knew best.  And, many of us have now tried to raise our children the same way, using the same clichés (or attitudes).  And, it isn’t working very well! 

Every generation has thought the younger generation was disrespectful and wild – doomed to fail.  Why would you think anything would change when you had kids?   Because you weren’t going to repeat your parents’ mistakes, right?  But, the reality is when we become parents we parent our children the way we were parented.  That’s what we know.  And, each generation continues to have problems with relating to and understanding their kids.  Some of that is just the natural course of life stuff.  But, a lot of it is unnecessary strife!

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.  You need to break out of that insanity spiral!  If you want to improve your relationship with your child, YOU have to change YOUR attitude.  You have to set the example.  You have to change your parenting style.  You have to take responsibility for YOUR actions.  Isn’t that what you expect of your child? 

The late actor Broderick Crawford once said, “Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.”

It is time to set the example starting today.  Reflect upon your past actions.  If apologies are necessary, APOLOGIZE!  Next time you’re ready to use one of those awful clichés, stop and think about how you felt when your parents said the same thing to you.  Set aside the old-fashioned attitude that children are mindless and they need to be bossed around.  That belief isn’t beneficial to the child.  How will she learn to make decisions if you make all of them for her?   It isn’t representative of the Golden Rule either.  And, it is not conducive to creating a positive relationship with your child.  Positive relationships are best cultivated with mutual  love and respect.  Today’s a new day!  Let your new attitude shine through and just watch how your relationships improve!